On losing my edge

"I had an edge, Sir. I had an edge, and I've lost it. And I need it. I need it back. So...if you could just tell me...how you keep yours...and how not to be affected? I know I could be a great surgeon. So if you could just give me the answers, I would really appreciate it."

-Cristina Yang, Grey's Anatomy

I felt for that character when she said these lines. I really did. I, too, feel like I lost my edge.

Not so long ago...
I could work from 8 to 8 and still have enough energy to watch a late night film.
I could handle two jobs at a time.
I could hyper-commute. I never took a cab unless I'm really really late.
I could skip meals and not feel anything.
I could "operate" at 100% even with no sleep and run on pure adrenalin for 3 straight days.

But now... I can't. Not anymore. Not yet anyway.

Spent a month and a half in bed... I couldn't even stand up to get a glass of water. The 30 second run to the sink completely drained me. Lost more than ten pounds in 1 month (Normally, this would be a good thing).

When you read books and mags, you'd get the idea that people GLOW when they're pregnant. I don't glow. I'm practically gray. I look like a freakin' vampire.

AT LEAST I'm back on my feet. And I've gained back 2 pounds I still can't stay up as long as I like, but I feel like I'm getting there. I'm back at work, HR had to do some hocus pocus on my skeds so I won't get fired. I'm getting there.. I'm getting my edge back.